Talking To Teens About Porn: Why Ignoring It Isn’t An Option

I recently wrote a blog post about a common misconception among teens: many believe their peers are sexually active, but the reality is that about 70% of teens aren’t. Despite what series (ehhh, yes I'm calling you out Euphoria) TikToks, and top billboard songs might portray, most teens aren’t really as sexually active as the cultural narrative suggests. Which isn't great because teens who already feel self-conscious think they’re behind.

But here’s where things take a turn: when it comes to porn, the opposite is true. Most parents and teens think other teens aren’t watching porn, but the reality? By age 17, more than 70% of teens have been exposed to pornography. The stat that shock me the most was: 15% of teens say they first saw online porn at age 10 or younger, with the average first exposure happening around age 12. (See data here)

And accidental exposure? Even teens who claim they’ve only seen porn by accident are encountering it at wild rates—71% said they had been exposed to porn in just the past week. Think about that! Even if a teen isn’t actively seeking it out, they’re likely to stumble across it, thanks to the nature of algorithms, pop-ups, and even social media.

So, with such a high rate of porn exposure, of course, our health curriculum in public schools covers it, right?

Not at all.

Teaching About Porn in Health Class

I’ve been scouring through sexual health units trying to find curriculum that includes conversations about porn, and I’m having the hardest time finding them. On the rare occasions I do find something, it’s so vague. For example, I came across one lesson plan that suggested teaching 16-year-olds, “If you see a video where people are being revealing or intimate, turn away.”  Yes, those were the exact words. Why is talking about porn so uncomfortable, and why do adults suddenly become cryptic and afraid to be clear?

A big reason is that it’s a relatively new topic. You might think, Come on, porn has been around forever. And you’re right—fun fact of the day from my Chinese history elective class in college, some of the first ancient Chinese scrolls uncovered in the Tang Dynasty (7th century) were full of drawings of sex positions and erotic stories. So yes, porn has existed for centuries... But the ability to access it instantly, literally in the palm of your hand, is a very modern phenomenon.

It’s not just about the internet anymore, where teens could search for it. Now, it’s about algorithms on platforms like Instagram that allows OnlyFans models to target young, vulnerable audiences. A teen could start by looking at cute French bulldog memes and, before they know it, they’re being shown Anastasia’s profile, featuring 🍑. One click leads to another, and within minutes, they have access to thousands of explicit images, videos, and content far removed from their original intent. I say, just make the internet only dog memes, but sadly no one will listen..

Is it really just me?

At this point, avoiding exposure to porn feels nearly impossible. We need to have the conversations. And if you’ve clicked on this blog, you probably already know that these conversations are necessary—but you’re looking for clear, effective ways to talk to your teens.

How to Talk to Your Teens About Porn

1. Be clear and shame free. When talking to teens about porn, ditch the vague explanations and judgmental tone. Keep it honest and to the point. Lots of teens check it out because they’re curious, and that’s totally normal. The key is helping them understand how porn can affect their brain and the way they think about relationships—without piling on guilt. For example, the study I referenced earlier shows that 50% of teens feel ashamed about watching porn. Adding to that shame doesn’t help—it only pushes them to hide their questions or struggles. Instead, our goal is to encourage openness and self-awareness.

   
   

   Here’s what they should know:

   • What it Does to Your Brain: Watching porn gives your brain a big rush of dopamine, the chemical that makes you feel good. Too much of that can make it harder for your brain to feel satisfied with regular stuff, so some people keep going back for more. That’s how it can become a habit or even an addiction.

   • What it Does to Your Views on Sex and Relationships: Porn is like Hollywood movies—over-the-top and not realistic. It can mess with how you see bodies, sex, and relationships, making you expect things that aren’t real or healthy.

   • What it Means for You: Not everyone reacts the same way to porn, but it’s important to know the risks so you can make choices that work for you.

     
     

   The goal here isn’t to make them feel bad—it’s to give them the facts so they can think critically about what they’re seeing and how it fits into their lives.

   
   

   Examples of Shame-Based vs. Open Messaging

   
   

   Shame-Based Messaging:

   • “Porn will destroy your mind and ruin your life. Watching it leads to addiction and unhealthy relationships. You’re setting yourself up for failure.”

     
     

     This approach only reinforces guilt and fear without providing tools or understanding.

     
     

   Open and Clear Messaging:

   • “Many people are curious about porn, especially during their teen years. It’s important to know how it affects the brain, like causing dopamine spikes that can make it hard to stop watching. It’s also worth thinking about how it might create unrealistic ideas about relationships and bodies. Knowing this helps you make informed decisions.”

     
     

     This approach shares facts, respects their experiences, and avoids judgment, giving teens the tools to think critically about their choices.

   
   

2. Provide alternative resources: If they’re curious about sex or relationships, give them healthier places to learn. Don't just tell them to stop being curious and think about something else.... when would that ever work for a 15 year old. There are age appropriate places to ask their questions outside from just health class or their parents. Here are some websites made for teens: Scarleteen: A site offering nonjudgmental information on relationships, sexuality, consent, and more. It’s written in a teen-friendly tone.

   Sex, Etc.:Created by teens for teens, this site covers a variety of topics including sex, relationships, gender, and health.

   Love is Respect: A resource for understanding healthy relationships, spotting red flags, and learning about boundaries and consent.

   Planned Parenthood: For Teens: Offers clear and factual info on relationships, sex, birth control, and STIs in an approachable way.

   The Trevor Project: Focused on LGBTQ+ youth, it provides education about identity, relationships, and mental health.

   
   

3. Focus on porn vs. reality. Help them understand how porn's view on relationships, intimacy, and consent differs from real life. For example, where are you more likely to see stretch marks? Porn or reality? Where are you more likely going to see spontaneous sex with your doctor? Porn or reality? (This one always makes my students laugh because it's so ridiculous.) I have a great resource on this if you want to check it out, it has over 20 examples of porn vs reality and it's made for a high school settings.

   
   

Porn Vs Reality Lesson

If you’re looking to use these strategies in your health class, I’ve created a YouTube video that can be used with students. It's designed to accompany The Porn Literacy (Porn vs Reality) Lesson. which helps guide teens through understanding the impact of porn in a constructive, judgment-free way. Take a look!

Okay! There you have it, my top 3 tips on talking to your teens about porn! Don't shy away, you've got this. I'm your cheerleader.

Teach On, Katie