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The Most Common Question Teens Ask in Sex Ed | It boils down to this...

As a health teacher and sex educator, I get asked a lot of questions. Many of them start with, “So, I have this friend...” and then proceed into a very personal question disguised behind their “friend” Jen.


What are these questions, you ask? There are plenty. Some classics include:

  • “Is it true you can’t get pregnant the first time?”

  • "Do two condoms work better than one?"

  • “Can someone get pregnant if…”—followed by a bizarre scenario like doing a handstand after sex to stop sperm from swimming up.


sex ed questions

But the most common anonymous question, the one that so many of these ultimately boil down to, is:


Am I Normal?


Why is one boob bigger than the other? Does size matter? Is it weird that I like fictional characters more than real people? Is it normal to get bumps "down there" after shaving? Are vaginas supposed to have extra skin hanging out? Why do I have zero interest in sex while everyone else is obsessed with it? What if I don’t get butterflies or feel a “spark” like movies show?Is everyone having sex except me? Is it healthy to think about sex all the time? Do other boys get boners randomly even if they are not thinking of something sexual?


All of these questions go to a deeper worry, is there something wrong with me or deviant from what other peers are experiencing, look like, or do? HELP... WHAT IS NORMAL!!??


Teens are self-conscious about a lot of things, but nothing makes them feel more insecure than a topic that is both incredibly important and completely taboo.


How I Help Students Feel Less Alone


One of the best ways I’ve found to tackle these insecurities is through REAL relatable case studies. Instead of just answering questions with facts, I introduce students to stories from people just like them—teens figuring things out, questioning what’s normal, and navigating their own messy, complicated feelings.


These case studies cover everything from the blurry lines of consent to body image struggles to confusion about sexuality. And almost always, the takeaway is the same: Yes, you are normal. No, you are not alone.


But not all case studies hit the mark. If they feel fake, generic, or like they belong in a textbook, students will tune out. Here’s how to make sure yours actually resonate.


1. Get Specific. Go Deep.

Surface-level scenarios don’t cut it. Compare these two versions of a case study:

John loves his girlfriend but isn’t sure if he’s ready for sex.

vs.

John has been with his girlfriend for months now and really cares about her. But every time the topic of sex comes up, he freezes. He grew up religious and always thought he’d wait until marriage. Now, he’s unsure if that belief still matters to him, but he feels guilty and confused—like sex is something ‘bad’ even though he also wants to experience it.


Which do you prefer?! At least for me, the second John feels a whole lot more real. You understand John’s dilemma. You see his emotions. The more specific a case study is, the more students will connect with it. People often think broad and vague is better so more students copy and paste their life into it, but I’ve found the opposite to be true. When stories feel real, students see themselves in them even if the little details may not match up perfectly.


2.Skip AI (At First)

AI is useful for a lot of things, but when it comes to creating realistic teen case studies, it tends to fall flat. The struggles it describes are often too vague, too sanitized, or just not quite right. Maybe that will change, but for now, I’ve found that crafting case studies myself—or using real stories—is the best way to make them truly connect.


3. Use Names That Matter

A name might seem like a small detail, but representation is powerful. When students see names that reflect their own culture, background, or identity, they feel seen. The same goes for images—if all they see are posed, airbrushed stock photos, it reinforces a narrow version of “normal.” Using real, diverse, and imperfect images makes a huge difference.


Why Authentic Case Studies Help Teens Feel 'Normal."

There's something powerful about hearing their deeper concerns talked about openly without it being attached to them. They can objectively hear stories, relate and even give advice to things they would never talk about to their peers.. because it's about 'Jen' not about them, right? It's the same reason they often use... "I have this friend" when asking questions. You, as a teacher are just playing along with their "third-person" story by offering more examples in this same format.


How to use Case Studies in Sex Ed


Everyone loves the anonymous sex ed box—teachers rely on it to find out what students are wondering without putting them on the spot in front of their peers. I use it not just to answer questions, but to shape the kinds of case studies I create.


Once I collect their questions, I craft a few detailed case studies that reflect the concerns they’ve raised. Then, I dedicate a class period to a station activity where students work in pairs. Each station features a different case study, and students read the scenario and answer questions about the situation. Working in pairs first helps them feel more comfortable discussing sensitive topics. Afterward, we come together as a class for a larger discussion where students share their thoughts and advice.


If you want to see some examples, try using THIS CONSENT LESSON or THIS HEALTHY DECISION MAKING LESSON. Sidenote: My only warning is that if a teen jokes about the case study or the person in the example, be sure to shut it down quickly and correct it to prevent anyone from feeling shame if they are also going through that struggle.


Final thoughts


At the end of the day, these stories aren’t just about sex ed. You can use them in your ATOD unit or just about anything. Mainly they’re about giving students the space to understand that whatever they’re feeling—they’re not the only one. That alone makes all the difference.



Teach On,

Katie

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